What's In A Name
by shakenspeares
Summary: There are certain things that come along with being a normal person: grocery shopping, going to the post office, setting up a television...and the most tedious of them all, making the trip to the DMV to get the Lord of Death's car officially on the map.


The old, monochromatic sign of the Storybrooke Department of Motor Vehicles is the first thing to greet them as Hades and Zelena step out of the car, pulling their jackets tighter around them against the late autumn breeze. He holds out a gloved hand to her as they head to the door, squeezing her fingers lightly and locking the car at the last minute. The red Chevy, polished and gleaming, sticks out like a sore thumb against the dull backdrop of closed shops and warehouses and he can't help but smirk at it.

"Remind me again what we're doing here?" Zelena says with a look of distaste at the rundown building. It's not exactly well-taken care of, that's for sure.

"We're getting the car registered," he reminds her gently. "If we ever decide to get out of Storybrooke for a bit, it might be best to have some legal documents in case something happens."

"Like trying to beat a certain member of the royal family in a ridiculous race and almost rolling your precious vehicle?" she says with a playful smile.

Hades looks at her innocently as he pulls open the door for them to walk inside. "I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."

Zelena starts to laugh but it's quickly cut off as she realizes how empty the DMV office is, and her stunted giggle echoes off the walls. It's almost eerie, Hades thinks as he leads them forward to the only occupied window in the place. A large woman in a bedazzled headband sits behind the counter, popping a large bubble of gum and flipping through a rather scandalous naval novel. She doesn't even acknowledge them until Hades coughs lightly, and she looks up from her book with an annoyed expression.

"Yes?" she asks in a bored tone. "What do you want?"

Hades glances to the side at Zelena once before responding, and she's got the exact same look on her face that reflects what he's thinking: _somebody got up on the wrong side of the bed_ _._

"Afternoon," he says with a smile. "I'd like to register my car, if you please."

The woman—a quick glance at the dirty badge on her shirt tells him her name is Donna—rolls her eyes and pulls out a thick stack of papers, pushing it towards him. "Just fill these out and give them back when you're done," she says, reopening her novel and ignoring them once more.

Zelena gives him an incredulous look but he just shrugs, taking off his gloves and grabbing the papers. They seat themselves in the waiting area and Hades conjures a pen to start jotting all the necessary information down (when the pen pops into existence, he swears he can her Donna mumble something about 'stupid magic users'). After about five minutes, Zelena starts tapping her heel restlessly on the tiled floor, absentmindedly staring at the wall ahead of them, and Hades puts a hand on her knee to get her to stop. She smiles apologetically and he focuses back on the paperwork, already growing weary of all the blank lines staring back at him.

After nearly twenty minutes of painstaking pen-scratching, Hades stands and throws down the papers in front of Donna with a flourish. "Finished," he announces, and Donna barely looks at him before grabbing the forms and reading them over.

He's staring at the limp poster of a cat on the wall that reads "Hang in There!" in mustard yellow letters when Donna drones, "You forgot to sign your name, sir."

Hades looks back at the woman, who's holding out the last page of the registration form. "But I did sign it," he protests lightly, pointing at his name written in dark blue ink.

"We need a _full_ name, sir," Donna counters in an irritated voice. "First _and_ last name."

"...Right. Okay." He pulls out his pen again, hovering over the line where he'd signed _Hades_. But his mind is drawing a blank. He's never run into this problem before; he's never had a reason to have a last name.

When he still hasn't completed his signature a few moments later, Donna sets down her book and lets out an annoyed sigh. "You _do_ have a last name, don't you?"

"Of course I do," he says indignantly, though he can feel his stomach drop a bit knowing it's a complete lie. "It's, um...Hades...Hades—"

"Mills," Zelena's voice interjects suddenly from next to him. "Hades Mills."

He turns to look at Zelena as she gives him a smile and squeezes his arm, and he can feel his chest swell with gratitude. _Hades Mills_. It gives him such a wonderful feeling. He signs it on the line with newfound zeal and Donna takes the paper with another roll of her eyes, filing it behind the desk.

"You'll receive your registration card in two to four weeks," she says, sounding bored again. "Have a nice day."

Hades takes Zelena's hand as they step outside, happy to have that one mundane task completed. He doesn't even realize he's just standing there staring at her until Zelena asks, "What?" and pulls him from his reverie.

"...Why Mills?" he asks her, still flabbergasted that she'd offered her own last name for him to sign on an official document. "Why would you allow me to use it?"

Zelena shrugs lightly. "I've been thinking for a while that you might be needing one," she admits. "I've never heard of a God having a last name before so it just seemed obvious. And besides," she adds, her cheeks turning a bit pink, "I figured we'll be married someday, right? After that you'd definitely need it."

Hades grin is so wide it's almost painful as he pulls her close and kisses her deeply, pouring all his joy and gratefulness into it. When he pulls away, her smile is matching his and he lets out a little breathless laugh.

"There is no end to how much I love you," he murmurs, pressing another light kiss against her lips that she eagerly returns.

"And I, you," she says softly as they link arms once more. "So, Mr. Mills...shall we go home?"

Hades kisses her again swiftly before opening her door and letting her slide inside, grinning again at his new moniker. "Yes. Indeed we shall."

 _END_

* * *

Notes:

This has been rolling around in my head for a while now. I was thinking about it one day and I was like, "But wait...Hades doesn't have a last name. How is he going to buy a house? Or a car? How's he going to get a driver's license?" And then I pictured him just getting really crestfallen at the thought until Zelena steps in to sign his name for him and his face just lights up (and then they hardcore make out for like three hours thE END).

...But anyway. Yes. So Hades gets a full name. Check that one off the bucket list.

As always, thanks for reading! Reviews and comments are greatly appreciated. :)


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